danetokushige.com » marriage

Priorities

Dane — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 06:37:55 +0000

I blog about this every once in a while. Probably more of a reminder to myself than anything else.

In the midst of life filled with stuff I need to remember my priorities.

1. Jesus
2. The wife
3. Benaiah
4. Work and everything else.

Lord help me not to make number 4 more important than 1,2, and 3.

Filed under: marriage, tokushiges

date night

Dane — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:25:53 +0000

Liz and I have always set 1 day or night a week aside as our date night. Our usual routine has been me asking her what she wants to do, then we talk, then decide on something to do.

I realized that I need to date my wife. Dating my wife means me taking the time to plan stuff for us to do. Dating my wife means me proactively asking her for some ideas on what she would like to do, not asking her on that day.

Realizing that I need to get my game in order I repented for not treating her like she should be treated, then we talked about some of the stuff that we will be doing on our upcoming dates.

Here is our list: (our plan is to do one of these activities each week)
-Cheesecake factory
-Gyokaku
-PF Chang’s
-Go watch local bands
-Macaroni Grill
-Augie T show
-North Shore. Stortos, shopping, swim.
-Kailua Beach. Swim, walk.
-Hawaiian luau show
-Sea life park
-taco Tuesdays at Therapy.

Do you have any ideas to help my game??? As you can see I can use all the help I can get.

Posted in marriage, tokushiges

Firecrackers

Dane — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 05:47:36 +0000

Trying to clean up a little bit. Found this article. Kind of cool.

4 communication firecrackers
what happens when we throw firecrackers in a fire? unfortuneately many couples argue like throwing firecrackers towards each other.

1. Threats
-a better choice is to calmly express your feelings.
-asking why is a great way to de-escalate an argument

2. Name Calling
-keep the main thing the main thing.
-stay focused on the issues
-resist the temptation to make it personal

3. Blaming Game
-the wifey always says “blameshift doesn’t solve anything”
-acknowledge that what is done is done.
-we can not change the past
-our goal need to restore, learn, then move on

4. Exaggerations
-you always……
-you never…….
-focus on the here and now

The art of conflict resolution isn’t so much about proving I am right. The reason I need to express myself is to bring out what we feel about a situation and communicate to find a solution. I may prove I am right and win the battle but in reality I lost the war.

Even if I may be righ, once I hurt my wifes feeling I am already wrong.

Posted in marriage